Forgiveness and Reconciliation
One of the most difficult things that all Christian faiths require is to forgive. Human nature would have us seek revenge, or at least hold grudges, against those who have hurt us. This is very easy for us and comes naturally. The world will often tell us that we should not forgive, and that the offending party is only getting what is due to them.
However, Jesus has a very different view of forgiveness, and commands us that we MUST forgive. It is not an option; it is mandatory if we hope to live as He did and someday be with him in his Kingdom. In the Gospel, Peter asks Jesus, “How many times must we forgive? Seven times?”, as if there is some magic number that we should adhere to. Jesus answer is a classic: “Seven times 70 times.” He is not stating that we must forgive someone 490 times, but over and over, as long as it takes, without worrying about keeping count of our graciousness. Forgiveness actually helps us, even more possibly, than it does the offender or the relationship between the two.
So if we MUST forgive others, how do we do it? What if we try, but our feelings are much too hurt, and we can’t get around them? Forgiveness is an act of the will, in other words, it is a choice. The first step is to decide to forgive, no matter what lingering feelings we might have. To forgive means to not wish ill upon the offender, to not act out in revenge or make trouble for them. It means to pray for them, that they might accept God’s grace and forgiveness and return to God in the way that we are trying to follow. This is much easier, of course, if the offender has asked for forgiveness or is sorry, but even it not, this is what God requires of us. If our feelings are not following suit with our decision to forgive, we can pray about it. Ask God to help with forgiveness – he would love that and be more than happy to help. Just don’t expect results too quickly, because the process can take days, months, or even a lifetime. But God is with us and always involved – things happen according to God’s time frame and not ours.
So why is forgiveness so important that it is MANDITORY? What if the offender could not care less if we forgive them or not? We must do it anyway. If we are followers of Christ, and children of the Father, then we must trust in what he requires, even if we don’t want to, or understand about it. Forgiveness can help bring closure and healing for us, regardless of the response of the offender. Forgiveness sets us free, and does not bind us down in jealousy, anger and resentment. This is not how the heavenly Father wants you to live your life – He has much more in store for you! Do not let yourself be held down by the sins of others. Leave judgment to God and God alone. We don’t see as he sees, and judgment within justice is just too hard for us. Therefore, it is mandatory because it allows us to be all that we are called to be, but also because it is the nature of God, not man, to forgive, and we are called to live our lives like Him.
For those who choose not to forgive, the prognosis is grim. Not only will they be held bound in negativity and anger in this life, but they themselves will not be forgiven in the next. How can we expect God to forgive our sins if we won’t forgive others? God it made it clear that our sins will remain if we do not forgive, and that is very problematic as we leave this physical life for the next. There are several parables about this in the Gospels, especially the landowner that won’t forgive his servant’s debts. (Reference needed).
One last point: forgiveness does not mean that we shouldn’t protect ourselves from harm, or keep placing ourselves in a bad situation over and over again. To forgive does not mean that the relationship just magically returns to what it was before. Depending on the situation, safety and being free from abuse are the priority. Remember, we are called to love others as ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we like everyone, or are required to put ourselves in bad situations.
